God Sends Me Flowers

He told me “God sends me flowers and you are one of them”

I didn’t know if that made me a gardenia, hydrangea or a hyacinth

But I knew I only wanted to be a help…

A joy in tumultuous period with an unknown end

I wanted to live up to the beauty a flower possesses

Delicate to the touch

Standing strong in the sun and even the rain

I wanted to be tender and sway with wherever the wind took us

I prayed for the shady days to not overshadow my brightness

For no slights in the weather to alter our climate of peace

I gave encouragement likened to the faith of a mustard seed

Breeding disbelief that my small frame could shoulder the boulders of unexpected tomorrows

Even sorrow couldn’t shake my rooting in God that it’d be alright

That he’d be alright

I stood strong in the unforced fields of discovery

We frolicked in possibility knowing only He had the final answer

Beyond mishaps and shortcomings of man

In spite of fear that sunrise would arrive without him

He held strong to his flower

Powerful hands never loosened their grip on hope and the power of prayer

Layers of doubt washed off with each morning his eyes met another day

And another day

I’d prune off weeds of sadness before I’d attempt to be what he saw in me

Making sure my petals were in full bloom

No tears when Heaven is much better than here

No uncertainty when he had such surety in salvation

As I look back, I can only hope I was even a fraction of the joy and beauty flowers convey

But just in case I was not

On his last birthday, I sent a bouquet….

Runaway Slave

My dream life is pretty active

Subtractive of true consciousness, my hopes and aspirations

Freely play epic adventures on my eyelids

Ventures into the unknown but in the home of my deepest heart thoughts

I see what would happen if I never took a first step

If I never soared into the upper echelon of my potential…

Apparently I’d be a slave says my latest mindplay.

Shackled down into an abyss of mediocrity

Bound to a sure ending

Preventing any movement beyond consuming scraps to fulfill an undying hunger to be fed by what I truly deserve

I’d be underserved and forever overachieving in a circle with my square-minded ideas

I would never fit.

Fear would strike further fear with each lash

Cracking obedience and submission into a person they wish to submerge

39 blows attempting to bleed me out

Blind to my unseen Lifesaver who remains above and around me

Omnipresent hope floating me along until I decide to swim upstream

This dream told me to Fight.

That confinement doesn’t combine with my passion to live beyond and in spite of…

Beyond mistakes

In spite of shortcomings

Beyond rejection

In spite of overthinking

Beyond continual beatings

In spite of repeating self-defeating phrases that it’s too hard

Beyond myself

In spite of MySelf.



I watched a fellow escapee jump to his death

And I’m wondering if this is the half of me subliminally that wants to give up

To surrender all efforts towards a seemingly unreachable freedom.

I considered ending the road I wasn’t done paving

Then bravely looked down at what could be

And mustered up enough resilience to do what should be

I took this journey alone with hesitance at my back

Resistance in the wind

And suspense in every corner as I hid and slid past my captors

Trappers ready with their nets investing in my stagnant future if I were ever caught.

I sought the sun to illuminate my lonely mood

As I pursued more and more, praying this trek would yield a harvest I’ve sewn seeds in long before I knew the purpose

A deluge of trouble rushed down rapids

Swelling vaster by the minute, aptly resembling my self-doubt

I swam against waves created to break my spirit

While a voice above continued to bellow to me “You were made for more”

With this encouragement nourishing my thirst

I burst through a new realm of understanding who I am

What I am to do with this freedom

A world of roads, forks, paths and traps lie ahead of me yet

I feel there is a beat always ordering my march

A tempo that won’t let me slow down

My Creator knew what I’d be doing before the brewings of my imagination surfaced

So the freedom is in the discovery of who I’ve been this whole time

And just didn’t know.

These shackles have been shades over a life meant to be brighter

My dark thoughts colored my hope into an opaque vision that I was stuck

Not trusting the doorknob just inches outside of my reach

The power is Mine!

The Holy Spirit remains a divine presence I don’t often tap into

And that…is an enslaved life.

A lack of knowledge to the Light I have been given if I simply reach UP and receive.

Cleave to the power that’s been within me and will be for the eternity of my existence

He is guiding me

Restoring me

Imploring me to continue to move Upward and Onward

These steps get hard but they ARE for me

Breaking down my pride with each stride into the unknown

Oh, I know I’m being carried

Lifted when my legs beg for solace, rest, just a Break Lord

But He knows I can handle it

Philippians 4:13 seems to whisper to me when I feel I’ve lost my voice

When my chords are singed from my burning cries out into the night

He hears me…

He steers me when my hands shield my eyes from what’s coming next.

What would I do if I’d been through nothing at all?

If I didn’t haul my troubles to the alter call and release them

My appreciation of blessings would be diminished

Finishing off entitlement with a seal of ignorance that I’m immune to pain

So, He sandpapered me to my core

Forcing me to examine the vermin determined to keep me from growing

Eating me alive with each doubt and worry I didn’t hand to Him

The scraps made me savor the flavor of wonderful Grace

My cold nakedness made me bask in the warmth of His Mercy

The fear of being lynched kept me on my toes with Him holding me up

Pushing me to break beyond my sight, even through tears

All of these trials were necessary for me to claim victory

And oh, how joyous it is to finally escape into His arms.

Performance - "How Are You"

One of my favorite pieces to spit. Somehow, parts of this are always relevant though it was written years ago. Enjoy! Oh, and this is before I started to curb my "colorful language" sooo... yeah. But...hopefully y'all can look over that and receive the message :)

Letter to My Future Husband

I want our worlds to align

Combust into a wonderful combination of what makes us glow

Circles crossing, overlapping our qualities while fine-tuning our flaws so our chords harmonize

Compliment the lows with a melody we sing even when we feel muted.

I wish to name a star that reflects our unique language

Words with meanings we keep close to our hearts

Impermeable to slick approaches the masses elevate

I want to be grounded with you.

Spiritually

Emotionally

Physically

I want our centers to meet intimately where we miss each other immediately after our love song is played

And replayed…

I want to lay my fears on your chest

Bare my soul to you and have you clothe me in your security

Your strength where my hesitance has no home in our cocoon

For I want you to give me room to spread my wings

Knowing I will always find you

Love you.

Never losing sight of your goals, I’ll be sure to support you Love

Concretely bolstering the desires of your heart

Be not afraid to plant your flower here

I’ll water your thoughts when your doubts drought you of any hope

I’ll remove your weeds of negativity when the world beats your creativity

Let me tend to you, Love.

If you need shade from the rays of pressure

Beaming a hole in you that seems inescapable,

Allow me to cool you with my calm

I have plenty of lemonade with the mess I’ve been given, Baby

Let me share my solace with you.

Help you find your peace within when the world is loud

Let’s be quiet together. 

I want only our hearts to hum soft, soothing sounds to each other

Creating bonds wrapping ribbons around our weaknesses

I want to make you better and you do the same for me.

I want every part of us that unites to ignite fire, passion

Explosive waves of joy glazing over us

Covering the sour pieces we share only with one another

I want life to be sweet.

Complete with communication emanating understanding even when we don’t speak

I wish to learn your dark side

And not judge you for keeping it hidden

They didn’t understand you but I make my vow to you

That each day I’ll peel back whatever layers you let me

I know you can’t forget your hurts

But may I please be your first-aid?

Your first responder when it all falls down

Let me catch you, my Love.

No triangles in a 2 person circle

My geometry ain’t never been great so I like to keep it simple

Let me be the shortest distance to your peace…

All these things I ask of you because I know I will give them to you

Without question

I reckon this is all premature

Because I don’t know who you are…

But I will continue to be who I am until

God brings you to me.

Nooses

The nooses have 2 chainz

The whips gleam down the streets reflecting immediate gratification

Frivolous spending instead of investing in something worthwhile

All the while we say we're oppressed but

We seal the envelope sending us into a myriad of excuses

Useless statements crying wolf

Yet Wall Street isn't that far

It just that we are confused in who keeps us down

We down for the cause makin' us wanna holler

To the choir who already knows the same song

How long will we use our lungs

Our breath on complaints regarding why we're on the same rung of the ladder

No matter how far we've come.

Lenny still wanna sell jewelry out of his jacket

We praise the ratchet for our entertainment

Kanye called it crack music

I call it a hemorrhage

Self-inflicted bruises like the crazy one from Thin Line between Love and Hate

Because that's exactly what it is

A thin line between on time and late

And we love CP time

But wait...

Our energy is exhausted into faulty reasoning

It's like our wiring needs remodeling.

We're modeling after what we know

So the smokescreen is that we can't help it

But let it be a whip

Or a chain

And we're ready to hang ourselves willingly on whatever's fresh and new

Beat the crowd to be the first to cop it

So who's to blame?

When Unlimited Seems Limiting

When Unlimited Seems Limiting


When unlimited seems limiting

When boundless seems binding

I’m finding myself in a pool of possibilities

Yet this one puddle of fear keeps me stuck

So many decisions I’m becoming indecisive

And the price is…Stagnant

Immobile

The mud and murky opaqueness of the unknown

Is blowing my mind

Showing me I need to Pray

I need to stay on my knees and plead for a yellow brick road

Rather a green light that says “Go beyond your dreams

Take a red eye and get on this early

Let the gray settle into black and white

And think about what would make your world pink again”

These sepia tones are muting my palette

I wish to be loud again

So I’m shouting above, Lord

Please order my steps

Place a border around my uncertainty

Build a fence over my hesitance

Restore the confidence I once had and let me run free

Let my wings release this anchor

These dank, dark corners of my questions beg of

Your light, Lord

If there ever was a time… I need you now.

Why Am I Chasing...

Why am I chasing something most are trying to get out of

Something people don't appreciate once they have it

Love-attracting habits turn into the ghost of Christmas past

This institution where you feel trapped

But you willingly vowed to commit

Until it all falls down

The moments that call for extreme patience

Persistence

A remembrance of the reasons you're there in the first place

Yet everyone says it changes with that proclamation

Man and Wife

You devoted your life to...?

Argue

Deceive

Omit

Leave the real you hidden until

The dead bolt has sealed your destiny

THEN it gets serious?

Was the carrot dangled

Then mangled in the blender along with

Who you used to be?

A lost identity

And this is what I want...



The green I glean regarding my freedom

The ability I have that no one depends on me

No suspending my goals or dreams for anyone

Rendering boundless aspirations where only I stand in my way

Yet...this is the marathon I train for

When many are dying to run away

I take practice runs

Jogs around a field of maybe

Stealing looks at the finish line

Of what exactly?